life

I chose to title this post life, because that's exactly what happened. Life happened. For those Who know, or don't know, or just curious, i have decided that it was time to tell what happened. Maybe to help answer question's and to let a whole lot of healing in, and to move on. The reader digest version of My story goes like this. I made The decision to serve a mission in January 2012, but then completely chickened out. I moved to Arizona and had what Is still to this day or was, The Best year of My life. But, fall came around and That feeling came into My stomach, you know that feeling when you know you are supposed to do something? Well, i had it and i knew i needed to go on a mission, so i once again restarted The process of preparing for a mission, which was not an easy task when two blood clots and lupus sit at The top of your health resume. I got turned down once, gave up, but then two months later i told myself it had to be done and My mission papers were submitted 7 days later. 12-12-12 will forever hold a special place in my heart. I received my mission call on January 11th and entered the 

MTC on the twentieth of February. Now, to save time, i'll just say that it was the best. Mission are simply the best. They are hard, you cry and you struggle, but then the most amazing thing happens and it's magical and there are not words to describe how much they mean to you.

but life happens

and nightmares come true

and you go home


and you go through all emotions. you're torn on what to do next. Do you stay and fight or do you just simply move on.

That decisions was something that I really struggled with. I had family and friends all telling me what I should and shouldn't do.

I was lost, and hurt, and confused

But, I realized that sometimes life just has to happen. I have a sick body. A blessing given to me by an all loving Heavenly Father, which I have only chosen to seen as a burden. I have slowly and quite painfully come to the realization that he wants me to be happy, truly happy, and like most of us know we need a little darkness to fully see the stars. 

and we need the rough time

to make the good times better

and we look back at the ninety three days I got. The sweetest, most treasured days and remember how I almost had none. Sometimes, I think that I gave up too easily and should I have stayed in fight and gave it another good. 

  but he wants us to be happy, including me
and that involves trusting in his plan,
and seeing the darkness as a gift rather than a burden

Todo lo puedo en jesucristo que fortalece

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.